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[burntvideocassette]

"This is, uh. It's Jay. Leave a message, and I'll try to get back to you."

[voice/text/video/action/anything]

Comments

[postictal]

i had no idea you thought i was dead
i thought you just meant like
we were doomed
which we are

i'm still not really sure what knowing that i'm NOT dead at home does for you but




fine
if you think this will work
fine

[Is there any guarantee here? He's a liar, Jay's an unreliable narrator - he's already predicting that neither of them will hold to this tenuous agreement, whatever it is.]

[burntvideocassette]

[Holy shit, he agreed. This is an agreement. Which means absolutely nothing, but maybe it might mean something if they stick to it.]

[Tim's a liar, and Jay's just given up a major advantage.]

[But maybe it'll work out. Or it'll at least help until things go to shit again. Or maybe it won't do anything, but at least he tried.]

alright so
new rules or whatever are now in place

[He deliberates for a little while before adding:]

thanks

and i guess it's that somebody made it out
i mean about the "not dead" thing

[postictal]

yeah well
i wish i hadn't

[It's not even a fucking event at this point. He doesn't have to say it. But if they're being honest here, and he's trying, at least to start with, because this conversation has already gone infinitely better than he expected it to, as all conversations starting with Jay apologizing tend to - ]

[If they're being honest, he might as well say it.]

it should have been you

[burntvideocassette]

[That is...a lot to take in. A lot to process.]

yeah well
it wasn't

and you were able to stop alex
couldn't have done that if you were dead

[And to be honest, Jay doesn't think he would have been able to do it himself.]

1/2

[postictal]

that's what he told me you know
the last thing he ever said

[postictal]

If there's someone left, you have to kill them. And then yourself.

[burntvideocassette]

[Well, fuck.]

[Yeah, that would go along with Alex's "infection" theory. Quarantine. Keep it from spreading. Kill them and then yourself.]

[No wonder he gets along so well with the Masons.]

i guess that was his plan
get rid of all of us and then

[It's hard imagining Alex turning the gun on himself. It's hard imagining Tim turning the gun on himself.]

cw suicide ideation

[postictal]

yeah

[He was...right. Wasn't he? He had to have been. What other option is there?]

i guess he always just thought he was doing the right thing

[burntvideocassette]

yeah

[It's always tough to talk about Alex. He sees the parallels there, the way their choices line up against each other, and he wants to close his eyes.]

but you're still alive
and i'm
whatever i am
and we're here
whatever that counts for

[postictal]

you're alive
just not the way you used to be


i guess i'm sorry about that too
not sure i ever told you that

[burntvideocassette]

[Alive, just not the way he used to be.]

[Undead until this place sees fit to send him back.]

[He doesn't want to think about it. He's not thinking about it. Not right now.]

[Right now, they're having some weird heart-to-heart, so he might as well just keep it going. Funny how things go easier when you're telling the truth by choice.]

wasn't your fault
i went looking for alex
that's on me
and i guess i'm sorry for running off into the woods by myself like a jackass
and for the knife
and that stuff

[He feels like he's got to qualify that last bit. They're probably never gonna mention this again, so he goes for it.]

feels weird apologizing for the knife
i remember it happening and i remember being really pissed off but i don't remember why it made sense to me back then
not sure it ever made sense

[postictal]

i think it makes sense in the moment for everyone
it made sense for alex to do what he did

he was just being used the way the rest of us were


i guess
don't take it too hard

[You're just as fallible as the rest of them, Jay.]

[burntvideocassette]

[He wants to say he wasn't being used, but that's pretty tough to argue after all the stuff the event dragged out of him.]

[Tim says not to take it too hard. Easy for him to say.]

[Jay's just exhausted.]

i guess

[It's a while before he finishes the message.]

thanks

[postictal]

for what

[What has he done except...making a fucking nuisance of himself and dig up old wounds?]

[burntvideocassette]

i dunno
sticking around i guess
agreeing to the agreement thing

[postictal]

yeah well we'll see how that plays out
wonderland seems to like fucking that kind of thing up

[Tim seems to be good at fucking that kind of thing up.]

[burntvideocassette]

great