[It was a relief, Sans says, like maybe this one time, Jay managed to do something right. He actually helped Sans feel a little better. Jay's not an emotional guy--he doesn't think he's an emotional guy--but that's a strange relief to hear.]
[But then he makes a request. He asks Jay not to tell anyone about the doctor--]
[The doctor? No, no, wait. It rings a bell. The experiment, and the doctor he mentioned. He mentioned an experiment, something about an experiment, something that went wrong, but it's--]
[No.]
[It's there. He knows it's there, but it's fragmented, like the memories won't connect up the way they're supposed to. Remembering one thing doesn't lead to the rest, and trying just sends a twinge of pain up the back of his neck. This isn't familiar. This isn't trying to think back to how he got here and coming up blank. It's like that time he yanked the SD card out while the camera was still running. It's like the times he had to piece together footage when the tapes were sun-damaged and caked with dirt.]
[It's like the memory's corrupted.]
[The information itself can hurt people, he says, and Jay's already starting to understand how. The decay hasn't spread beyond that one memory, not that he's noticed, but the idea that it could terrifies him.]
[What's even worse, though, is the idea he could forget it ever happened. There's this thing--this threat out there, whatever it is--and it could hurt more people, and if Jay lets himself forget, then he won't be able to do a thing about it. If he knows about it, then he can help. If people know, they can protect themselves.]
[After this conversation's over, he's winding back the tape.]
[His head's fucked enough already, right? If somebody else has to remember this, it might as well be him.]
[He's not going to let it infect Tim, though. He's not stupid. But he's not going to just let it "slip out of his head", either.]
[Finally, Jay sighs, lifting the phone again.]
Look, I get--I get why I shouldn't talk about it. I can feel--I mean, I get it.
But the thing with Tim is... [Jay runs a shaking hand through his hair, knocking the hat off his head.] Look, we've got kind of a history with hiding stuff from each other.
[His voice dips lower.] 'F you hadn't guessed that already.
[He continues, more sincere.] And I guess we're trying to make that...not happen so much. And I dunno, but if it were me, and I found out Tim knew about something this--this dangerous, I guess, and he didn't even, like...hint at it, I'd probably get kinda pissed off. 'Cause if I knew there was something, I'd know to be careful.
So--so I'm not asking to tell Tim...this. Because yeah, if he knows about it, it's probably gonna do to him the same thing it's doing to me.
[And there he goes, admitting it. Admitting this stuff got to him. He's not like Tim--not exactly, anyway--but sure. It got to him.]
Or worse, I guess.
But...look. If I tell him there's something he can't know, 'cause it's dangerous, I don't...like, he's not really the kind of guy to take that as an invitation. So, is it safe for me to say that much? To--to Tim, at least, not just anybody off the street.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[voice]
Date: 2018-03-04 06:38 am (UTC)[But then he makes a request. He asks Jay not to tell anyone about the doctor--]
[The doctor? No, no, wait. It rings a bell. The experiment, and the doctor he mentioned. He mentioned an experiment, something about an experiment, something that went wrong, but it's--]
[No.]
[It's there. He knows it's there, but it's fragmented, like the memories won't connect up the way they're supposed to. Remembering one thing doesn't lead to the rest, and trying just sends a twinge of pain up the back of his neck. This isn't familiar. This isn't trying to think back to how he got here and coming up blank. It's like that time he yanked the SD card out while the camera was still running. It's like the times he had to piece together footage when the tapes were sun-damaged and caked with dirt.]
[It's like the memory's corrupted.]
[The information itself can hurt people, he says, and Jay's already starting to understand how. The decay hasn't spread beyond that one memory, not that he's noticed, but the idea that it could terrifies him.]
[What's even worse, though, is the idea he could forget it ever happened. There's this thing--this threat out there, whatever it is--and it could hurt more people, and if Jay lets himself forget, then he won't be able to do a thing about it. If he knows about it, then he can help. If people know, they can protect themselves.]
[After this conversation's over, he's winding back the tape.]
[His head's fucked enough already, right? If somebody else has to remember this, it might as well be him.]
[He's not going to let it infect Tim, though. He's not stupid. But he's not going to just let it "slip out of his head", either.]
[Finally, Jay sighs, lifting the phone again.]
Look, I get--I get why I shouldn't talk about it. I can feel--I mean, I get it.
But the thing with Tim is... [Jay runs a shaking hand through his hair, knocking the hat off his head.] Look, we've got kind of a history with hiding stuff from each other.
[His voice dips lower.] 'F you hadn't guessed that already.
[He continues, more sincere.] And I guess we're trying to make that...not happen so much. And I dunno, but if it were me, and I found out Tim knew about something this--this dangerous, I guess, and he didn't even, like...hint at it, I'd probably get kinda pissed off. 'Cause if I knew there was something, I'd know to be careful.
So--so I'm not asking to tell Tim...this. Because yeah, if he knows about it, it's probably gonna do to him the same thing it's doing to me.
[And there he goes, admitting it. Admitting this stuff got to him. He's not like Tim--not exactly, anyway--but sure. It got to him.]
Or worse, I guess.
But...look. If I tell him there's something he can't know, 'cause it's dangerous, I don't...like, he's not really the kind of guy to take that as an invitation. So, is it safe for me to say that much? To--to Tim, at least, not just anybody off the street.